Saturday, October 12, 2013

Migraine: Are You Listening?

Please listen with your eyes to this article from my sweetie:

Migraine: Are You Listening?

Within the past year, I was fortunate to have met an exceptional gentleman through an online dating site. We hit it off rather well. Both were looking for the same ideals, family, morals, acceptance of extended family, and both the same age. He was from far across the US, and I was in the Northwest. 
I could not move, he had opportunity that allowed him to move about freely. 

After much conversation online, by email, then phone, and Skyping, we could not wait to meet one another in person! It was a remarkable meeting and a day that will remain unforgettable for my entire life! I’ll never forget it. This gentleman traveled over 2500 miles just to meet me face-to-face! I was impressed, and flattered. We courted for a time, and the more we were around one another, the more we got to know each other better - we really “clicked.” He was honest and I was honest in our online dating profiles, and we both believed in our truthfulness.

I work full time, have a middle-school child fifty percent of the time with many extracurricular activities, I have an adult married son with one granddaughter, all in the same town. My life is here, I can’t really uproot myself; and now, so is my sweetheart’s. Over the period of a year, we have come to know one another – our likes, dislikes, resolving worries and fears, talking out concerns, cry at times, empathize, compromise, and listen. The last one, listen, is “key” to our relationship – and to all relationships.

You see, my sweetheart suffers from chronic migraine headaches, and has since age 20. For the past thirty years, he’s dealt with these incapacitating headaches, endured them as they show up unannounced, which is often; often enough to clash with his work life, an outstanding and gratifying full time job, (now in his fifth year of disability), his young family and their needs, friends, gatherings, buddy fishing trips, holidays, vacations. Every day he does not know what to envision. He didn’t disclose this to me in his online dating profile. How could he? Would he want to? Yes, I believe he would, but it wasn’t there in the profile. This topic would take a little more explaining, and he was looking for a partner that might show some sensitivity and understanding. I was a complete novice to what a migraine headache is and the hold it has on a person.

I had no idea of such pain, the severe pain, the lasting of the headache for days, the aftermath (hangover), and what goes on for the sufferer in the midst of a migraine. No lights, no noise, as peaceful as possible, nausea, dizziness, numbness of the face (like that of a stroke), irritable stomach and bowel, diarrhea, excruciating pain unexplainable for the sufferer to anyone, a novice, such as myself. I’m learning. I’m in a learning curve, reading, listening and trying to educate myself so that I can be supporting and caring to my gentleman with migraines. We live day to day, and just plan from one day to the next.

The more we stay educated, consult neurologists and physicians, and stay well researched on any and all types of treatments and findings about migraine headaches, the more we might run across something that just “may” help my sweetheart to finally find an end to these brutal headaches. Some think he is lazy, just can’t fight the pain, depressed, less than a man, not involved in life, focuses only on the negative. What is furthest from the truth, is all the above. This man is a fighter and a trooper. You’ve read his blog articles here. If you have, you definitely understand him and can relate to him, to migraines and their power. 

To love someone and to care for them, means to accept them with all your heart, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I want to ensure he is cared for while he’s experiencing pain. In turn, I’m confident that I’ve met a man that has a heart of such giving, that he would not ever wish this type of suffering on his worst enemy. He will be there for me, and I will continue to listen as best as possible. We’ll work together on this, and together, it works for us; always listening to one another. This isn’t about me. It’s about being there for your loved one who suffers from migraines.


~ Ainslie