Thursday, August 8, 2013

Migraines Are NOT Convenient

"How Convenient". I've probably heard that phrase a million times or more. My family notices when I miss dinner with the in-laws, going grocery shopping, making dinner or cleaning up the dishes, Church, picking the kids up from piano practice as I promised, and going to work just to name a few. But, how many times do they notice when I miss going to the movies, bowling, shooting hoops with "the boys", or watching football on TV?

You know and I know that migraines are not convenient. I can't pick and choose which events are spoiled by them. To others it may seem I control the strings, but in reality this monster is the puppeteer. My migraines determine the movement of my legs, arms, eye lids, right side and wrong side up, standing or laying down. It controls when I can eat, sleep, walk, talk, drive a car, clean the house, get dressed, and even engage in the things I love to do and with the people I love.

Everyone, other than a fellow migraine sufferer, seems to think that I can control my illness. Control when it allows me to participate and when it puts me in a choke hold. If someone does not suffer from a debilitating disease, then they have no possible idea of the limits I have on my life. No idea of how long it takes to recover from the blitzkrieg.  They just can't conceive the weight of the struggle to make it through a day.

Sometimes, I wish I could wear my pain like a sandwich board, to signal those around, that I have a disease that prevents me from participating. As if, the tears and drooping of my eye are not enough. Some might think that the fact I'm in bed with the blinds drawn and a pillow over my head might be enough. But no, those around me have seen that so many times that it has become the norm and doesn't really register with them. My friends and family have gone blind to the fact that I'm using every ounce of strength I have to keep from clenching up in a ball and screaming at the top of my lungs.

No, migraines are not convenient. Just because I cannot participate does not mean that I choose not to participate.