Migraine: Are You Listening?

Please listen with your eyes to this article from my sweetie:

Migraine: Are You Listening?

Within the past year, I was fortunate to have met an exceptional gentleman through an online dating site. We hit it off rather well. Both were looking for the same ideals, family, morals, acceptance of extended family, and both the same age. He was from far across the US, and I was in the Northwest. 

I could not move, he had opportunity that allowed him to move about freely. 

After much conversation online, by email, then phone, and Skyping, we could not wait to meet one another in person! It was a remarkable meeting and a day that will remain unforgettable for my entire life! I’ll never forget it. This gentleman traveled over 2500 miles just to meet me face-to-face! I was impressed, and flattered. We courted for a time, and the more we were around one another, the more we got to know each other better - we really “clicked.” He was honest and I was honest in our online dating profiles, and we both believed in our truthfulness.

I work full time, have a middle-school child fifty percent of the time with many extracurricular activities, I have an adult married son with one granddaughter, all in the same town. My life is here, I can’t really uproot myself; and now, so is my sweetheart’s. Over the period of a year, we have come to know one another – our likes, dislikes, resolving worries and fears, talking out concerns, cry at times, empathize, compromise, and listen. The last one, listen, is “key” to our relationship – and to all relationships.

You see, my sweetheart suffers from chronic migraine headaches, and has since age 20. For the past thirty years, he’s dealt with these incapacitating headaches, endured them as they show up unannounced, which is often; often enough to clash with his work life, an outstanding and gratifying full time job, (now in his fifth year of disability), his young family and their needs, friends, gatherings, buddy fishing trips, holidays, vacations. Every day he does not know what to envision. He didn’t disclose this to me in his online dating profile. How could he? Would he want to? Yes, I believe he would, but it wasn’t there in the profile. This topic would take a little more explaining, and he was looking for a partner that might show some sensitivity and understanding. I was a complete novice to what a migraine headache is and the hold it has on a person.

I had no idea of such pain, the severe pain, the lasting of the headache for days, the aftermath (hangover), and what goes on for the sufferer in the midst of a migraine. No lights, no noise, as peaceful as possible, nausea, dizziness, numbness of the face (like that of a stroke), irritable stomach and bowel, diarrhea, excruciating pain unexplainable for the sufferer to anyone, a novice, such as myself. I’m learning. I’m in a learning curve, reading, listening and trying to educate myself so that I can be supporting and caring to my gentleman with migraines. We live day to day, and just plan from one day to the next.

The more we stay educated, consult neurologists and physicians, and stay well researched on any and all types of treatments and findings about migraine headaches, the more we might run across something that just “may” help my sweetheart to finally find an end to these brutal headaches. Some think he is lazy, just can’t fight the pain, depressed, less than a man, not involved in life, focuses only on the negative. What is furthest from the truth, is all the above. This man is a fighter and a trooper. You’ve read his blog articles here. If you have, you definitely understand him and can relate to him, to migraines and their power. 

To love someone and to care for them, means to accept them with all your heart, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I want to ensure he is cared for while he’s experiencing pain. In turn, I’m confident that I’ve met a man that has a heart of such giving, that he would not ever wish this type of suffering on his worst enemy. He will be there for me, and I will continue to listen as best as possible. We’ll work together on this, and together, it works for us; always listening to one another. This isn’t about me. It’s about being there for your loved one who suffers from migraines.

~ Ainslie

Migraine And Living A Life

 Having a real life (and not a maybe or abbreviated life) can be difficult even without having migraine disease. It may seem that life and the world around us is passing us by. We get knocked down, and when we are able to get back up, our family and friends have moved on to another calendar day and other activities. It's hard not to stay depressed and question ourselves. Here are a few ideas for helping you lead a life, even if you have an invisible illness. The ideas I gave in my last article, "Migraine And Work", can help with living a better life as well as work and should be looked at for more ideas.

• Do all that you can to find a treatment plan that works for you and stick with it. Even if this plan does not keep you migraine free, finding a way to decrease or lessen them is a must.

•  Make your plans so that you are more likely to be able to finish them. And work up in scale, over time, as much as possible. Making plans for outings with others can be a crap shoot. Do what you can, when you can and branch out to bigger plans.

• Take medicine and treatments that help you to live more thoroughly. Sometimes treatments may be set aside even though they work, simply due the cost or time it takes for these treatments. Even if you have to decrease the number of visits, put them into your management regiment. Getting some help, even some of the time can give you some time to feel more healthy.

• Teach your family and friends about your suffering and provide ways that they can help you. They need to know when to rush in, and when to leave you alone. Sometimes the best thing they can do for you is to let you crawl into your cave.

•  Let others know about food allergies or triggers. Teach them about other triggers that can cause you trouble. Discuss the disease with them and help them to understand that your inability to make it to many functions, is not a slight to them.

• Act in accordance with given prescriptions, treatments and any triggers that affect you. If you do not take these seriously or act nonchalant about missing medicines or being around  these triggers, it makes it difficult for those around you to take these things seriously as well. I have a hard time staying away from several foods and will sometimes have them when having a migraine. I tell others that if I already have the migraine,  that food can't trigger a migraine. This is not a good practice for any of us. 

You have a life to live. Taking care of yourself so that you can live and work are important. Don't give up. You are not alone.