Migraine: Are You Listening?

Please listen with your eyes to this article from my sweetie:

Migraine: Are You Listening?

Within the past year, I was fortunate to have met an exceptional gentleman through an online dating site. We hit it off rather well. Both were looking for the same ideals, family, morals, acceptance of extended family, and both the same age. He was from far across the US, and I was in the Northwest. 

I could not move, he had opportunity that allowed him to move about freely. 

After much conversation online, by email, then phone, and Skyping, we could not wait to meet one another in person! It was a remarkable meeting and a day that will remain unforgettable for my entire life! I’ll never forget it. This gentleman traveled over 2500 miles just to meet me face-to-face! I was impressed, and flattered. We courted for a time, and the more we were around one another, the more we got to know each other better - we really “clicked.” He was honest and I was honest in our online dating profiles, and we both believed in our truthfulness.

I work full time, have a middle-school child fifty percent of the time with many extracurricular activities, I have an adult married son with one granddaughter, all in the same town. My life is here, I can’t really uproot myself; and now, so is my sweetheart’s. Over the period of a year, we have come to know one another – our likes, dislikes, resolving worries and fears, talking out concerns, cry at times, empathize, compromise, and listen. The last one, listen, is “key” to our relationship – and to all relationships.

You see, my sweetheart suffers from chronic migraine headaches, and has since age 20. For the past thirty years, he’s dealt with these incapacitating headaches, endured them as they show up unannounced, which is often; often enough to clash with his work life, an outstanding and gratifying full time job, (now in his fifth year of disability), his young family and their needs, friends, gatherings, buddy fishing trips, holidays, vacations. Every day he does not know what to envision. He didn’t disclose this to me in his online dating profile. How could he? Would he want to? Yes, I believe he would, but it wasn’t there in the profile. This topic would take a little more explaining, and he was looking for a partner that might show some sensitivity and understanding. I was a complete novice to what a migraine headache is and the hold it has on a person.

I had no idea of such pain, the severe pain, the lasting of the headache for days, the aftermath (hangover), and what goes on for the sufferer in the midst of a migraine. No lights, no noise, as peaceful as possible, nausea, dizziness, numbness of the face (like that of a stroke), irritable stomach and bowel, diarrhea, excruciating pain unexplainable for the sufferer to anyone, a novice, such as myself. I’m learning. I’m in a learning curve, reading, listening and trying to educate myself so that I can be supporting and caring to my gentleman with migraines. We live day to day, and just plan from one day to the next.

The more we stay educated, consult neurologists and physicians, and stay well researched on any and all types of treatments and findings about migraine headaches, the more we might run across something that just “may” help my sweetheart to finally find an end to these brutal headaches. Some think he is lazy, just can’t fight the pain, depressed, less than a man, not involved in life, focuses only on the negative. What is furthest from the truth, is all the above. This man is a fighter and a trooper. You’ve read his blog articles here. If you have, you definitely understand him and can relate to him, to migraines and their power. 

To love someone and to care for them, means to accept them with all your heart, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I want to ensure he is cared for while he’s experiencing pain. In turn, I’m confident that I’ve met a man that has a heart of such giving, that he would not ever wish this type of suffering on his worst enemy. He will be there for me, and I will continue to listen as best as possible. We’ll work together on this, and together, it works for us; always listening to one another. This isn’t about me. It’s about being there for your loved one who suffers from migraines.

~ Ainslie

A Mere Shadow Of Myself

The last couple, three, weeks have been very eventful for me. My migraines have been persistent throughout. In addition, I had a very bizarre appointment with my pain doctor.

I woke up that morning with some pain in my left chest and back.I  really was sure that it was not heart related. But, really thought that it was muscular. Well, I went to my appointment and the nurse did the usual weighing, blood pressure and heart rate. I then told her about the pain I was having. She told me to sit still while she got the doctor. My blood pressure was pretty good, 123/72 and I didn't ask about heart rate.  Dr. Brown came in rather quickly and started asking questions, poking and prodding. He then said that he didn't want to take a chance that I could be having a small heart attack.

He then sent me to the ED to be tested for heart problems. I was then EKG'd, X-ray'd, CT'd, and gave them some blood to work on. To make a complete afternoon, from 11 to 4, story shorter, let me say that all the test's and scans came back showing no problems. Enzymes were normal as well.

So, in addition to my Quasimodo style migraines, I am fighting some muscular chest pain as well. Head pain, and helping care for my mother and father in-laws have sequestered the majority of my time. I have poked my head up a few times but, I have been unable to spend any significant time at the computer and my blogging. And I haven't been unable to exercise to increase my energy and lose some weight.

Please keep me in your prayers this week, as I travel with my father-in-law to Duke University where he is being given testing to see if he is eligible for a double lung transplant. If all goes well he will be put on the transplant waiting list. He has asked me to be his primary care giver which will occupy the majority of my time for the next few months.

 

Caregivers Need Care Too

I have watched my father-in-law (who is also my friend) as he has provided 100% of the care for my mother-in-law, who has Alzheimer's disease, over the past few years. He has been there for her from the the time she wakes until it is time for bed again, taking care of her every need. Now, after years of working himself so hard, he is having to deal with his own health problems and seek answers he should have looked for long ago.

He is learning the hard way that he will not always be able to provide the care that she requires and that he needs to learn a few things about being a caregiver. I'm happy to say that he is finally seeing the light and has hired help in addition to making use of hospice.

I feel like this information is so important, whether your the cared-for, or the caregiver. And, it doesn't matter if you provide care to someone with an invisible illness like migraine disease or a more visible and more devastating illness such as Alzheimer's. You need help too. Please take the time to share this and/or the links below with others.

"Care-giving is a job and respite is your earned right. Reward yourself with respite breaks often."

You have worked hard all of your life, and this may be the last job you may have, taking care of your sick loved one. When you worked for "the man", you were given breaks and holidays.Why shouldn't you have them now. Don't be afraid to ask those around you if they will help give you the time that you need. Use these breaks for more than doing the weekly shopping. Go to the library, a coffee shop, or the movies, in order to recharge your batteries. You may be able to use respite care available in your area in order to plan and take a real vacation. Don't feel guilty for leaving and leading your own life.

"Watch out for signs of depression, and don’t delay in getting professional help when you need it."

Situations can look hopeless. Doing the same thing day after day can cause even the most optimistic to lose their compass. If you even begin to think that you are depressed, don't be afraid to ask your doctor, or others for the help you need. Depression may sneak up on you, even if you think things are going great. It's a hard job living and caring for a sick loved one. Taking medication in order to feel stable and able to cope, is not sin.

"When people offer to help, accept the offer and suggest specific things that they can do."

Let them help! Show them how you want something done and step out of their way. It's easy for you to excuse others from helping because you feel embarrassed or don't feel like they can do it as well as you can. There is always help available to you no matter how difficult your circumstances.

You only need to say "yes" and allow your life to become your own.

~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~

There are more tips for family caregivers posted at Thefamilycaregiver.org, Tips and Tools.

Other Resources;

http://eldercareabcblog.com/
Thefamilycaregiver.org
Family Caregiving 101
National Alliance for Caregiving

 

Related articles

• For the Alzheimer's Caregiver, Depression Is a Real Risk (everydayhealth.com)
• Caring For The Caregivers (againstthegraine.blogspot.com)
• Defining Caregiving (caregiving.com)