Back To The Migraine Grinder

More than a month ago I started a journey with my father in-law who was seeking a lung transplant. My week with him at Duke went rather well for me physically. I went the whole week without a migraine problem. My father in-law did not have a good week at all, with all the testing as well as a complication that had him admitted for two of the five days.

We recently found out that he has been denied for the transplant. This is a stunning blow for him. There is no actual cure for pulmonary fibrosis, but the transplant held promise for a somewhat normal way of life. Now he knows that he will be tethered to an oxygen source for the rest of his life.

He doesn't show it, but you know that he has to be depressed. I know that knowing about his condition has contributed to my depression. Contributing to my depression has also been the fact that I have had five migraines in the last two weeks. WHAT is going on? I had so much stress in Durham that I felt run ragged. I didn't much chance to stop or slow down. Typically stress like that would have put me down immediately. There just hasn't been stress like that since I've been home, but the attacks have made me feel like I have been run through a grinder.

We must remember that depression can wear us down as much as any other disease. Sometimes it may vary as to which is our primary illness. Depression is a disease as well. And, you may struggle with depression even when your migraine or other disorder is not prevalent. Check your medications to ensure that you are taking them properly and make an appointment with your doctor if your medications seem not to be working or your condition changes.

So far, I am riding down the same road as before. The same grinder has hold on my life. Thanks to everyone for the prayers.

 

Caregivers Need Care Too

I have watched my father-in-law (who is also my friend) as he has provided 100% of the care for my mother-in-law, who has Alzheimer's disease, over the past few years. He has been there for her from the the time she wakes until it is time for bed again, taking care of her every need. Now, after years of working himself so hard, he is having to deal with his own health problems and seek answers he should have looked for long ago.

He is learning the hard way that he will not always be able to provide the care that she requires and that he needs to learn a few things about being a caregiver. I'm happy to say that he is finally seeing the light and has hired help in addition to making use of hospice.

I feel like this information is so important, whether your the cared-for, or the caregiver. And, it doesn't matter if you provide care to someone with an invisible illness like migraine disease or a more visible and more devastating illness such as Alzheimer's. You need help too. Please take the time to share this and/or the links below with others.

"Care-giving is a job and respite is your earned right. Reward yourself with respite breaks often."

You have worked hard all of your life, and this may be the last job you may have, taking care of your sick loved one. When you worked for "the man", you were given breaks and holidays.Why shouldn't you have them now. Don't be afraid to ask those around you if they will help give you the time that you need. Use these breaks for more than doing the weekly shopping. Go to the library, a coffee shop, or the movies, in order to recharge your batteries. You may be able to use respite care available in your area in order to plan and take a real vacation. Don't feel guilty for leaving and leading your own life.

"Watch out for signs of depression, and don’t delay in getting professional help when you need it."

Situations can look hopeless. Doing the same thing day after day can cause even the most optimistic to lose their compass. If you even begin to think that you are depressed, don't be afraid to ask your doctor, or others for the help you need. Depression may sneak up on you, even if you think things are going great. It's a hard job living and caring for a sick loved one. Taking medication in order to feel stable and able to cope, is not sin.

"When people offer to help, accept the offer and suggest specific things that they can do."

Let them help! Show them how you want something done and step out of their way. It's easy for you to excuse others from helping because you feel embarrassed or don't feel like they can do it as well as you can. There is always help available to you no matter how difficult your circumstances.

You only need to say "yes" and allow your life to become your own.

~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~

There are more tips for family caregivers posted at Thefamilycaregiver.org, Tips and Tools.

Other Resources;

http://eldercareabcblog.com/
Thefamilycaregiver.org
Family Caregiving 101
National Alliance for Caregiving

 

Related articles

• For the Alzheimer's Caregiver, Depression Is a Real Risk (everydayhealth.com)
• Caring For The Caregivers (againstthegraine.blogspot.com)
• Defining Caregiving (caregiving.com)

Migraine Hangover or Depression?

I have actually been migraine free for the last five days! I have been active and productive the last ZERO DAYS. You read me right, no problems with the math, I just haven't been able to get myself up and around.

My last migraine (I wish) was last Friday. Let me rephrase that. The last migraine that I succumbed to was last Friday. And, of course, it kept me from doing something with a friend. I haven't had good quality friend-time in a while, and we had planned a week in advance to go to the local high school football game. 

Saturday came and went. I don't remember much, except that my alma mater won their game. I felt like I was run over by a truck, a big truck. One of those big 'ol 18 wheelers. Thump, thump thump, thump thump! 

On Sunday, I started feeling better but, not really. I didn't even have a twitch of the migraine monster and the physcological bruising had past the purple stage going toward greenish-yellow. (if you know what I mean)

Monday through today have just been rough around the edges. I'm in no pain. I just can't get myself to tackle the list of jobs around the house that have been waiting a long time for me. They are getting restless and afraid that I will never get them done. And, so they should worry. I worry about it. But I just can't raise the energy or the enthusiasm to strike a lick at them.

I think I have surpassed the "hangover zone" and entered into the "depression zone". This zone is very hard to get out of. It's full a pitfalls and obstacles. But I've decided to take a step. Move forward and start slow. Attack a small chore, then another, till I've started feeling better about the job list and ready to tackle a bigger, and a bigger project.

But it's not all about work, I need to find my pleasure time as well. I need to pick up my hobby horse and ride it some more. I need to call my friend and schedule another time to get out and do something fun in order to break this depression funk. There are going to be times that I have a migraine hangover and others that are bouts of depression.

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Ode To Lonely

Everyone has times in their lives when they are alone. Some cherish this time and others loathe it. Being alone does not necessarily mean that you are lonely and being lonely is not always a bad thing.

I came across the video interpretation of "How to Be Alone" by Tanya Davis, and it touched me. There are so many ways to make alone time more productive to your state of mental health.

You, like me may get a lot of alone time, but it doesn't have to be lonely time. Check it. I hope you enjoy and share this.



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Related Articles

• Live longer - with help from friends (guardian.co.uk)
• You: Failure to connect (guardian.co.uk)
•  Keeping Hope (againstthegraine.blogspot.com)

Don't Be Late

We live with our illness every day. It is so easy to give up and let the migraine or other monster grind us down to nothing. I write a lot about depression, because with long-term illness comes depression. It can hamper our lives in different ways, most if not all of which are never good. Depression can take control of our lives emotionally and physically. Don't take a belated approach to knowing the symptoms.

Some Emotional Symptoms Include;

• Nervousness - in situations that appear to be normal.
• Feeling hopeless - at not being able to control our illness and our emotions.
• Fear - of having another attack or of losing the battle with the illness.
• Guilt - for feeling weak enough to let an illness control our lives.
• Being withdrawn - from the people we care about most in our lives.
• Loss - of interest in our favorite activities.
• Irritability - can hurt our relationships with the ones we love and care for. We can strike out at others when we are really having problems with ourselves.
• Mood swings - going from one mood to another rapidly and sometimes without reason.
• Thoughts about death or suicide.

 Some Physical Symptoms Include;

• Gaining weight - for no apparent reason.
• Weight loss - without trying or no apparent reason.
• Constipation - that lasts longer than may be usual.
• Crying - at the smallest things or nothing at all.
• Loss or increase in appetite - not finding anything you want to eat. or eating everything in sight.
• Difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much.
• Decrease in libido
• Poor self esteem - not secure in your self-worth.
• Problems at work - that may suddenly arise without warning or apparent reason.
• Memory impairment - causing you to forget important dates or events. 

 
Take control of your life. If you have any of the symptoms listed above you should seek a medical professional immediately. Many chronic illness sufferers not only have to contend with migraine, fibromyalgia, etc., but also with the possibility of depression. Don't be late in asking for help.

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Overcoming Procrastination

Many of us, especially myself, put things off or do little unimportant things rather than work on the important tasks in our lives. This is procrastination. Putting off until tomorrow, causes us to worry. We worry about the priority activities that we have put aside that aren't getting completed. And, worry in our lives is a stressor that may lead to depression and/or an increase in our chronic pain.

"Procrastination or doing low priority tasks before high priority activities, robs us
of valuable time.", says Dr. Ingram walker of Carilion Clinic Saint Albans Hospital, in the Spring 2010 issue of LifeWorks.

Dr. Walker says, "There are four major reasons for procrastination:

1. Laziness – To defeat laziness, begin. Once moving, you'll tend to keep going.
It takes greater energy to start an activity than to sustain it. For example, if you're writing a screenplay, put something on paper. Forget about sharpening pencils, arranging paper, reading one more script for inspiration. Write. Writers write.

2. The quest for perfection – Nobody is perfect. Nothing created by anybody is
perfect. Stop fretting about getting everything just right. Learn to do your best
and accept the results. Expecting perfection never gets anything accomplished.
To continue with the writing analogy, get that first draft done. Get something
down on paper – you can revise and rewrite the screenplay later.

3. Indecisiveness – To overcome indecisiveness, use the “ready, fire, aim”
approach. Fire it up there, and then aim it. Make some mistakes, learn, adjust,
move on.

4. Difficult tasks – Break down a difficult task into easy steps.
Just do a little at a time. You write a screenplay or a book one
page at a time. Write one page a day and at the end of a year,
you will have written 365 pages."

I intend on getting started with all of these tomorrow (just kidding). Take the time to put these four reasons to rest. Let's overcome each of these in order to take control and live happier and healthier daily lives.


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I'm Just Saying

I'm just saying. Or, more to the point, I haven't been saying much of anything. One of the side effects of having a chronic disease can be depression. Sometimes it's hard to determine where my migraines end and depression begins. I have been remiss in my blogging for the last few months. Yes, I posted a few articles, but not as many as I would have liked.

It's not that I don't have anything to say. I go around all day with thoughts of what I would like to write about. Ideas for a lot of things, blog and not blog related. But when I sit down later to put them in the void of posterity, I dry up and can't remember any of the turns of phrase, stories, and other ideas that seemed so important to me during the day.

It may seem obvious to keep a journal throughout the day, but that requires discipline. I have discipline in a very short list of things. I routinely brush my teeth, eat and take my medicines when I am supposed to. There may be a few others, but you get what I mean. Also, it is difficult to take time to make notes when you are suffering through a migraine. Pain can really make it hard to concentrate and later remember the thoughts I had.

I'm not a lazy person. I just find it hard to express myself when I'm not feeling well. I have a lot of ideas and thoughts throughout my day, but then can't find them in my brain when the time comes to put them down in an article. Today, I make a conscious effort to try harder. I hope to keep my journal and put my thoughts down in the written words of my blog.

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Related Articles

•  I Don't Wait To Procrastinate (againstthegraine.blogspot.com)
•  Between (againstthegraine.blogspot.com)
• Chronic Migraines Take a Greater Toll (nlm.nih.gov)
• Study: Migraines, Depression Linked by Genes (time.com)

Catawampus

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

[kat-uh-wom-puhs] Adj. - askew; awry

Who doesn't feel this way at one time or another? Anyone who knows me, will say that I'm always a bit askew. I'm always a little off center. But lately I've been feeling especially lopsided. I recently switched some of my medications in order to see if different meds would help my migraines. Unfortunately, they did not and the side effects made them especially non-friendly. That increases the depression and can make us want to give up. But, there is hope out their for us.

Most migraine sufferers are guinea pigs. (This is a personal opinion and not a proven fact) No one that I know has ever found the right medicine for their migraines on the very first try. Even doctors say that there is no telling which medications are right for each patient.

"The good news is there are many good preventive medications that have been proven to reduce migraine frequency. The bad news is there's no telling which medication works for which patient. The bad news also is that preventive medications don't completely eliminate migraine attacks," said neurologist Dr. Werner Becker, one of the authors of an article written by doctors at the University of Calgary and published Tuesday in the Canadian Medical Association Journal.  Read more of the article.

I can't remember how many different medications I've tried. I can say that I have gotten some relief from my current regimen. But I still remain hopeful that I will someday find a cause and solution to my pain that will allow relief from the 3 or 4 migraine days a week, I am currently experiencing.

Know that finding the right medicine or combination of treatment is an individual thing and can take years. Don't give up hope. Your not alone. Myself and others feel your pain. It might just be that we have to feel catawampus for a little while longer.

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Related Articles

• 2010 Migraine Poetry Contest Accepting Entries (terirobert.typepad.com)
• If they only knew... (migraineliving.com)
• Study review provides hope for migraine sufferers (calgaryherald.com)
• Migraine: Keeping Hope (againstthegraine.blogspot.com)

Migraine: Get Up!

I have been a Nik Kershaw fan for a long, long time. His early music was criticized for being too "bubble gum" but I thought the his use of proverbs to be stimulating to my imagination. My favorite song, of his, is "Wouldn't it Be Good", but I re-heard one of his tunes the other day that hit me between the ears. If you haven't heard "Get Up" before, take the time to listen. 

This song exemplifies exactly how it feels, to me, to be suffering from the migraine malady and missing out on life. What hit me hardest was the fact that when the song played off the ipod in the car, my 15 year old daughter pointed out the obvious. "Dad, that song is about you!?".

  I couldn't keep the tears from my eyes. You can hear "Get Up" on YouTube, but this is not the artist's video.  I also found a good book on Amazon.com that I have ordered, but yet to read, with the same title. I'll give a review as soon as I finish it.

Here's the song from Youtube;

Here are the lyrics.

Get Up

It’s dark in there and you’re quite unaware
That the cracks on the ceiling are mocking you
Your airless bag, your dust in a shaft of light
And you think you might
Yeah you might stay there all day

Get up, get on your feet
Get up, don’t go back to sleep
Get up, life is bitter sweet
And it’s all going on without you

You’re safe in there, no sharks anywhere
Not a soul to get you doing what you don’t want
Go on pretend it’s Sunday again, it’s Sunday again

It’s so warm in there, feels like camembert
All the things you’d do if only you had the energy
You bargain for just ten minutes more of this
When a prince’s kiss
Turns you into a swan
Dream on

Get up, get on your feet
Get up, don’t go back to sleep
Get up, life is bitter sweet
And it’s all going on without you

Migraine: Aching

The following is a poem that I wrote some time ago to describe some of the sensations of having a migraine and dealing with it. Tell me if you find any of yourself in this writing.


Aching
Silence broken by a siren
Pounding at my ears.
Driving darkness closing in
Soliciting my fears.

Confusion drumming at my thoughts
Rattling it’s beat.
Pounding down, it
Pins me to my seat.

Helpless to the forces
Gnawing at my strength.
Aching from the torment
And it’s awkward length.

Fighting back, I scream aloud,
As I am prodded by the fright.
I concentrate on memories
To form a new insight.

Complete control awakens now
And stands up to inspect.
It reaches in, removing stress,
Putting calmness in effect.

Stretching soul and limbs,
Shaking off the pain.
I total up my strength
To start the cycle once again.

-- Andy Honaker (1984’ish)