"How Convenient". I've probably heard that phrase a million times or more. My family notices when I miss dinner with the in-laws, going grocery shopping, making dinner or cleaning up the dishes, Church, picking the kids up from piano practice as I promised, and going to work just to name a few. But, how many times do they notice when I miss going to the movies, bowling, shooting hoops with "the boys", or watching football on TV?
You know and I know that migraines are not convenient. I can't pick and choose which events are spoiled by them. To others it may seem I control the strings, but in reality this monster is the puppeteer. My migraines determine the movement of my legs, arms, eye lids, right side and wrong side up, standing or laying down. It controls when I can eat, sleep, walk, talk, drive a car, clean the house, get dressed, and even engage in the things I love to do and with the people I love.
Everyone, other than a fellow migraine sufferer, seems to think that I can control my illness. Control when it allows me to participate and when it puts me in a choke hold. If someone does not suffer from a debilitating disease, then they have no possible idea of the limits I have on my life. No idea of how long it takes to recover from the blitzkrieg. They just can't conceive the weight of the struggle to make it through a day.
Sometimes, I wish I could wear my pain like a sandwich board, to signal those around, that I have a disease that prevents me from participating. As if, the tears and drooping of my eye are not enough. Some might think that the fact I'm in bed with the blinds drawn and a pillow over my head might be enough. But no, those around me have seen that so many times that it has become the norm and doesn't really register with them. My friends and family have gone blind to the fact that I'm using every ounce of strength I have to keep from clenching up in a ball and screaming at the top of my lungs.
No, migraines are not convenient. Just because I cannot participate does not mean that I choose not to participate.
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You know and I know that migraines are not convenient. I can't pick and choose which events are spoiled by them. To others it may seem I control the strings, but in reality this monster is the puppeteer. My migraines determine the movement of my legs, arms, eye lids, right side and wrong side up, standing or laying down. It controls when I can eat, sleep, walk, talk, drive a car, clean the house, get dressed, and even engage in the things I love to do and with the people I love.Everyone, other than a fellow migraine sufferer, seems to think that I can control my illness. Control when it allows me to participate and when it puts me in a choke hold. If someone does not suffer from a debilitating disease, then they have no possible idea of the limits I have on my life. No idea of how long it takes to recover from the blitzkrieg. They just can't conceive the weight of the struggle to make it through a day.
Sometimes, I wish I could wear my pain like a sandwich board, to signal those around, that I have a disease that prevents me from participating. As if, the tears and drooping of my eye are not enough. Some might think that the fact I'm in bed with the blinds drawn and a pillow over my head might be enough. But no, those around me have seen that so many times that it has become the norm and doesn't really register with them. My friends and family have gone blind to the fact that I'm using every ounce of strength I have to keep from clenching up in a ball and screaming at the top of my lungs.
No, migraines are not convenient. Just because I cannot participate does not mean that I choose not to participate.
READ MORE...
This is gorgeous!
ReplyDeletemy sentiments exactly
DeleteI appreciate your post. I hear and understand you. I suffer from migraines, hormonal headaches, endometriosis... and I get so tired of people behaving as if nothing is wrong with me... I don't control what is going on with me.... I can't help it if the pain is so bad 2-3 weeks out of the month that I cannot hold down a job..... I'm sorry you are in pain, and that some of the people closest to you are the people that understand or care the least... Prayers and positive thoughts heading your way.
ReplyDeleteWhen I missed my 30th birthday this year and my family saw how devastated I was (and sick too), finally it wasn't all about "them" for once...
ReplyDeleteI totally agree. They completely rule my life,every day, every aspect of it. It is as bad as any other disability but twice as frustrating because its just not taken seriously, certainly not in the UK. Like 'Oh, youve got a headache, then'. 'NO, I HAVE A MIGRAINE!!!' Totally different!
ReplyDeleteHow come so many of us suffer, yet so few understand?
ReplyDelete