It's hard to live with a chronic disorder. But harder still is to live without beating yourself up over things over which you have no control. I sometimes feel as if my family, my friends and even strangers see me as handicapped, a term that is meant to provide help, but is more often used by my mind to belittle.
Things in our lives attempt to belittle us and make us feel weak or small. In the world around us people pay lip service to being uplifting, but in reality turn and knock the wind out of us. We even beat up ourselves for our shortcomings and even our illnesses.
I beat myself up over the smallest things that are left unaccomplished, unattended, unreviewed. My life can sometimes seem a collection of missed opportunities. It is often hard to look to the positives, as they may pale in comparison of those things missed. It's like sunshine and rain.
We live in a world of sunshine and rain. It rains different amounts based on where you are, but there are always days of sunshine. We live for the sunshine days, that we can get out and work and play, unimpeded by the rain. We live within the rainy days, doing whatever we must to keep ourselves out of the wind and cold, so that we may be ready for the sun at a moment's notice.
A rainbow appears when the sun hits tiny droplets of water in the air, just as the sun and rain interchange roles. No one knows when or where a rainbow will appear. They just do. If we don't live in the rain, we will miss them. If we only live in the sun, they will elude us. We have to go on living in the world of both, overcoming missed and creating new opportunities. To be ready for the sun, we have to dance for the rainbows.